Public and Private Answers

In the book "The Right Stuff" there was a bit about answers to questions that public figures (like astronauts) are asked. Usually after the same question comes about 50 times, the person has developed a "public answer", which means it is like a tape, and you will get the same answer every time, and no new, personal info will come to light. However, there might be a story behind it that does not get told.

Having returned to the hospital for a small complication, and having not gone back to work yet, my hair was still dyed purple. People I knew from the previous stay recognized me, and others had sometimes heard about me. I had public recognition (within the hospital) for doing something silly and unimportant. That's fine. When asked, I gave my answer that because I had some weeks off from work coming, I wanted to dye my hair, and I would simply cut it way back before returning, due to the strict dress code. That is basically the whole answer. A private part of it is that I had bleached and dyed my (long) hair red 30 years ago when I was in college. Still, not too earth-shattering.

What was different this time is that I had been home long enough from the hospital to paint my toenails, something I have been doing for over a year. At work, the dress code requires shoes for men (women can wear basically anything) and so I had protested that dressy sandals be allowed, because I overheat easily in the summer. But no dice. If sandals had been allowed, I would not paint my toenails, because that would certainly make trouble at work. So, it is a case where if I had been able to be slightly "non-conforming" (to an archaic "professional" dress code) then I would also have conformed to the usual expectation of men's feet. Ironic, I think. Why do I do it? Well, this is a case where I have come up with about 50 really good and compelling reasons over time, and yet none of them explains it. I do it because I want to. Everyone jumps on me with the example of women having a beard, which I do not understand. Male and female features that are built-in are part of the sexual response system, so that we know easily whom to be attracted to. Many men shave their faces, which to me is stupid and makes them look less male. These men will very vocally offer me their opinion that I should also. Well, you are idiotic, so keep it to yourself.

Nail polish is not an inherent part of being female, it does not spontaneously appear, like large breasts, wide hips, or long, thick hair. So, it is not a sex recognition characteristic. If you ask women why they do it, it is probably NOT to attract men, but because they "want to". I do not do it to attract men, because I have zero interest in them, they look as attractive to me as pigs. The simple answer is that women can get away with 100 times as much visual variation as men in every possible way and still look attractive to men, because men are not really put off by anything. Meantime, it is hard to make men look attractive by any means whatsoever, so it is a waste of time to try. Women are simply not drawn to men by appearance characteristics, at least, not in the way men are attracted to women. It is NOT equal, it is NOT "fair", it is NOT by choice, or in any way rational. So stuff your rational arguments and ideas for me somewhere they will keep you silent. I don't need them.

When I am in the hospital with purple hair, it is my choice. You don't get a vote. When I have a butterfly tattoo somewhere that is not usually visible (and it would violate the work dress code, male or female, if it was) then it is not your business. If my nails are painted, it is nothing to do with you, or men, or history, or any other thing. None of it has anything to do with attraction and sex, which are individual, personal, and concern no one else.

That is my public answer. If I am still a bit embarrassed when I meet a new person I like (male or female) and they see my toenails (like a nurse did today) then it is up to me. Maybe I don't have a self, but I do have tendencies, and I am free to keep or discard them, as I see fit. I extend the same courtesy to everyone I meet. If you do not, all that you demonstrate is your ignorance and pettiness. Keep it to yourself.