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| "It made so many colors" |
I am finding it both liberating and undermining that, as Vivekacudemani #515 says, "I am without purpose". How good, to be relieved of the burden of having to DO anything in particular! Maybe I can just decide for myself rather than feel forced to be useful? Whatever I decide, has to be good enough, because it is all that there is. There is no moral imperative to aspire, it is a free choice. Much more mature, in my opinion. (Watch out for the line, "I am eternal" which follows it. Ouch.)
But what exactly shall I do? My girlfriend recently asked me in a very kind way, "What do you WANT?" It was nice to be asked, instead of told, but I had no answer. She said that I can take my time figuring it out. Well, I have a list of desires, but I think her question is really about purpose. Either I have to embrace "I am without purpose" or I have to select one. Desires are not much of a draw, although the delight of simple enjoyment, and the orgiastic sense of pleasure in doing plain things like driving the car while listening to music are engaging, they do not provide a reason for being. I know that there is no reason, yet I can't seem to just go sans slogan: I need something to put on my T-shirt, because going naked is not an option in this world. (What if my mission is to inform the world about emptiness? I like the circularity of that... "The end has never already happened!")
What will I decide is worth doing? Will emptiness be a source of freedom, or despair?
