Stages

Cut to the chase: how can you recognize a non-dual person? I am currently trying to distill this down for myself. One way that I can see is to look at the person's eyes. The name of this site is Bare Eyes, which is a term from Astronomy that means to use the unaided eye to see - not using a telescope or binoculars or whatever. In trying to name this site, I wanted to capture this salient feature: what I think of as "empty eyes" (which sounds negative, so I didn't use it) or "flat eyes" (even worse). Think of the visual impression and lose the connotations. We are talking about a person who has eyes that are still, and look right at someone, and do not seem to want anything. Interest, compassion, appreciation, but not attachment or desire.

That is the most visible common characteristic that I know of.

The question I get asked is: "why do you still do anything?" People seem to think that the end of separation, and thus desire (you can only want what you do not have) means that I will sit still until I die. I respond by saying that I do LIKE things. I can enjoy someone or something, I just don't have to have it anymore. Basically, I now, and all along, have continued to do everything that I ever did, except some things drop off, and the drive for others vanishes. So, without striving for absolutes and picking apart whether fear is still possible, etc, and just "how enlightened" someone is, let's move on to some developmental stages. When I stop writing, that is as far as I have gotten. But, there is always farther to go. How long do you want to sit and read, anyway?

Signs and Wonders
When I was a child, I used to listen to music and dance in the living room. Music induces a trance state. Dance expresses and deepens it. If you do this, then you are predisposed. People who don't much care for music (or at least are not seriously moved by it) and who do not dance, are very unlikely to ever make a breakthrough. They are stuck in their self-image. You have a physical body which joys to move, and an energy body which demands entertainment and pleasure, and a causal body which wants to transcend everything, and I say that there is a spiritual body as well, but the literature does not discuss it. There might be many ways to transcend the self, but I think that music and movement are good indicators, at any stage of life. You need to be the sort of person who does not take themself too seriously. I used to dance in parks, cemeteries and on freeway overpasses. Would you?

Free awareness
Another indication is a tendency to go in to an alpha state. You can research this. Very closed-minded people might say that non-duality is "just" an alpha state, but this is clearly false, as it has to do with awareness and knowledge (but is not only those things) and not a state. It is called Self-Realization, to make something in yourself real. Once you learn it, you cannot forget. It doesn't fall off.

Interest
Another factor is that if you are not seeking Realization, it is not likely to happen. Seeking doesn't make it happen, but at least you are more likely to be in the right place at the right time. So, interest is a key. There are many paths that are well-known, so there is no excuse for ignorance that it can happen. That said, the US culture does not talk about it much, and so there is not much awareness of just how possible and likely it is. And of how it is a development process, not a bolt from the blue.

Study
It helps to read some kind of body of literature, so that you have a context for the goal and a path to get there. There are many ways. Arguably, some are superior, but I am not here to argue. Your path is not obscure, you are already standing on it. Walk on! Try not to spend more time studying than practicing or living. And definitely don't get "spiritual indigestion" by flitting from one method to another. Or, God forbid, combining a bunch of them.

Meditation
You will need to meditate. All authorities say that absent a volcano of good karma and past life preparation, you must meditate to make progress. Meditation is your 'vehicle', you need to put your butt in the seat to get somewhere. Think "how many minutes" not how many years. That said, people vary, and you have no right to judge anyone else's effort. It's their result anyway.

Breakthroughs
People have sudden experiences of vision or clarity or peace or joy, or whatnot all the time. This is normal. If you or someone you know is having a lot of them, it might be because of severe ongoing stress and attempting to grow past it. Don't worry too much about the circumstances: progress often comes when we need to move beyond any previous limits. So it might be in a miserable situation. It is not insanity. Drugs will never do it for you. Forget that. Also, other people might be able to push you, but not really. All someone else can do is hand you the matches to light the final candle, you have to have the progress, or you won't see anything at that point. So, don't worry about it. It is as natural as growing to adulthood. No problem.

Pop
A really significant (poor choice of word, but oh well) experience of breakthrough is sometimes called 'satori'. It is indescribable. You will know someone had it, because they will seem unlike they ever have before, or anyone else you have probably ever seen. They might write about it, or say something, but most likely, they will just smile and walk away. There is no way they can tell you. Be happy for them. Your turn is coming.

I wrote about my experience of a "Pop" on one of my web sites. It describes the circumstances also. I won't reproduce that here.

Then what happens next is interesting...